Gender Affirming Care Bears

A matter of hours to go.

“I know who I am, and who I may be if I choose.” - Don Quixote

Everyone’s gender journey is different. For me, I believe that I was always destined to be this way. That I am an eccentric man by nature. I was confusing before I was even born.

This is a blue tedda. My sister has a pink one, and I was given a pink one when I was born. However, before I was born, there was a distinct belief that I would be male. SURPRISE. I SURE AM. Just a bit different. I am not intersex, to my knowledge. When I was born, they were like, oh, girl, and gave me the pink. But I was always a little odd. And so, when I was a kid, and I found this in my room, I cherished him and kept him close. I’ve still had him. (My most special bear is Pooh Bear, but he’s too big to join me at the hospital.) I like to think he’s a bit of a symbol for how, even if I was assigned one gender, the truth was hidden in plain sight.

This is bunny w/ a mustache. I have gifted many of them to friends over the years who are going through transitions, because I think he is a healthy combination of cute, fluffy, and masculine. (AS I ASPIRE TO BE, THANK YOU!) I bring him up, too, because he’s a symbol of a new way to express masculinity, much like how meta is a fairly trans-specific sort of surgery and a unique sort of masculinity, too.

I am not bringing up stuffed animals to infantilize myself or any other trans man. Maybe to evoke comfort, a sense of love and humanity, and the continuity of experience. Hell, that image of Marsha P. Johnson with a Snoopy puts her in an especially loving context.

The absence or presence of a penis, its size, how it got there, none of that is what makes me a man. I’ve already been one, and I won’t be more or less of one tomorrow than I am today. I might be a happier one, and I will grow from this experience (lol), but we are who we are. The gravitational pull towards being a man is not entirely unrelated to physical areas of dysphoria, but my goodness, it’s just me being me at the end of the day. The vibes were there. This is just a logical next step in a physical evolution I’ve been going through for a while. And frankly, the outer work of transitioning may be slowing for me after tomorrow/recovering from tomorrow (who knows, I told my mom this may or may not be the last one, and it might.) The inner work is lifelong for all of us, cis, trans, etc, and men have a lot of introspection to do.

To quote the iconic Lou Sullivan: “I am ready.”

Sending you love and support, will accept all of it in return. And here’s to life on the other side of this, too!

BONUS: bestie, Pooh Bear, is almost 26 ½ years young.